So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
