I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
