Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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