"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
