i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
