Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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