We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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