it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
