I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
