her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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