I can text with my tongue
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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