His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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