Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
home. puking in laundry basket.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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