I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
