U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
