buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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