i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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