whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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