No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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