I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
