Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
