Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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