this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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