apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
