I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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