"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
