some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
