so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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