I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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