just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
