Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
