The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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