what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
