then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Who died my cat blue again?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
