i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
