Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
