Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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