drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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