I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
