now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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