Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
