you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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