I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
