If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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