i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
