she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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