i love accidental penises.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
