I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
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He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
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You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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