very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
