hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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