her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
