Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
