sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize