just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
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I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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