We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
