On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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