had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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