??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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