He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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