You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
