you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
