I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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