Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
