end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
