She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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