Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
