Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
