I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
