wanna go halves on a baby?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.