all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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