when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
