i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
