Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
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So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize