she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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