Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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