I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
