do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
