a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
