Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
