i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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