So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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