Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
