I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
