There was a lot of him and a little penis
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
