just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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