i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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