Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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