We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
